Month: June 2015

Existing in the State of “Be”

Manifesting

(originally published on kioshanalacount.com)

One of the best bits of advice that I have ever received came from a co-worker.  It was during a mock orientation session during which he was practicing his spill to the “students” (the rest of the team) as part of a training session.  He spoke about the importance of not “trying” to do things, and instead encouraged us to maintain a constant state of “be”.  Now, I need to tell you all that my co-worker is about as goofy as they come, and so most of us just kind of looked at each other confused, and laughed thinking this was just another of his jokes – we didn’t understand the brilliance of what he’d just said.

To drive home his point, my co-worker began telling us the story of how he got his first job.  He stated that he wanted to work at a local general store, but that the store wasn’t hiring.  So, my co-worker being the kind of person that he is, decided that he worked there.  He went into the store and started stocking, greeting customers, cleaning, etc.  He says that he did this for a few days, getting plenty of curious looks from the employees, before he was approached by the store’s manager.  When she approached him and asked what he was doing, my co-worker simply replied, “I saw you guys needed help, and so I decided to start working.”  He was hired that day.

Going further, my co-worker decided within about a week of working there that he wanted to be a manager for the store – so, he started acting like a manager.  He would dress himself the way that the managers did, observe and correct store functions the way that managers did, and handle customer complaints in the same fashion.  His co-workers, of course, didn’t like this, and so they made it a point to tell the actual manager about everything that he was doing, with the intention of getting him in trouble.  Instead, what they did was demonstrate the initiative that he had been taking at work.  He was promoted to management within months.

The gist of this whole thing, and what my co-worker was trying to get us to understand that day in that orientation room, is that in order to achieve our goals, we must always exist in a state of “be”.  In other words, we must conduct our lives as if we have already achieved whatever it is that we’ve set out to do.  “Trying” he says, leaves too much room for failure.  If you decide within yourself that you are already where it is that you’re going, then there is no opportunity for you not to reach your goal – you’ve already told the universe that its yours!

When you think about it, this is actually a principle that many of us already apply to our everyday lives.  Have you ever been told to “dress for the position you want, not the position you’ve got”?  That’s just another way of saying, if you want to be the manager, then behave as if you’re already there.

I am firm believer in the concept that the universe rewards action.  The whole world is wide open for us, and there are no limits to what we can achieve – truly, the only thing that stops us is ourselves.  The one thing that limits people from reaching their goals more than anything else is doubt.  Doubt invades our minds and tells us that we can’t do something, and we get stuck “trying”.   Things come up, excuses are made, and suddenly we’re failing because we left room for the doubt to plant the seeds that say we can’t.  Existing in the state of “be” leaves no room for that – it tells our mind and the universe that we have already achieved what it is that we set out to do, and thus it makes manifest the benefits of having achieved those goals.

I can attest to the effectiveness of this concept in my own life.  I’ve wanted to be a writer my entire life, but I’ve never been able to do it.  I wanted to publish books and be known as an author… but somehow life just started getting in the way.  A couple of years ago, all of that changed, however.  One day, I just decided for myself that I am a writer.  I conducted myself as such. I told people I was an author that would have a book published by the end of the year, even though at the time all I really had was a few mismatched chapters on my laptop and a lot of frustration.  Still, I kept working at it, kept telling myself that I was an author, that I can do this.

On September 30, 2013, my dream of being an author was made manifest in the form of the book “Network to Increase Your Net Worth”.  I went to sleep on September 29th someone who wanted to be a writer – I woke up on September 30th a bona fide, internationally published author.  Even better, by the time I got to work on the launch day my book was already an Amazon Top 100 best-seller, and by the time I went home that evening, it had reached number 2 on that list.

I reached that dream because I stopped making room for doubt and failure.  I left no space for the possibility that I couldn’t do it.  I just decided that I was an author, and that was that.  That doesn’t mean that it wasn’t hard (it was) or that I didn’t encounter road-blocks along the way (I did).  It just means that I decided I wanted something more than I was afraid of it – I went for it, and because I did, I’ve made one of my lifelong dreams come true.

Take a few minutes to do a mental catalog of your mind.  Think about the last few things that you wanted to do – why didn’t they work out?  Was it because of circumstances around you, or was it because you started to doubt yourself?  What could you have done differently?  What will you do differently from now on?

Whatever it is, do it with purpose, do it with intention, and do it now.  Go be the person you want to be!

Love and Light – Kioshana

Creating Your Own Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

Manifestation

I saw this graphic today as I was doing my morning stroll down my Facebook timeline.  One of my friends had shared the photo from another site, and included my signature “Make it a great day!” underneath.  The photo really caught my attention because it applies to me so well.

How many times during the day do we think of things we want to accomplish, be they big or small, and then immediately think of all the reasons why we can’t?  If you’re anything like me, you probably do that quite often.  I have a nasty habit of over-analyzing EVERYTHING!  Sometimes this is good, because it ensures that all of my decisions were made after having properly thought everything through and considered every imaginable consequence, good or bad.  Sometimes though, doing this boxes me into a corner and stops me from taking action on things that I would like to do because I’ve already thought of every thing that could possibly go wrong.

Yesterday I watched a video from Marie Forleo of MarieTV (if you’ve never checked her out before, I urge you to do so – she has great career and life advice – I love her!) which was called “How to Use Manifesting to Get Anything You Want”.  In the video, Marie interviews a woman who is presumably a manifestation expert on ways to use the process to bring about positive changes in your life.  The woman, who has a very new-age, hippy-dippy feel about her, talks about willing things into existence by simply thinking positive thoughts, and she asserts that you can have anything in the world that you want if you are positive and focused enough.

Now, before we go into my opinions on manifestation, I’ll quickly explain what it is (since I’m sure some of you have absolutely no idea what I’m talking about).

Manifestation is defined as simply bringing something into existence.  In the context that we think of using manifestation in our lives, it is using the Law of Attraction to bring about what you want or need in your life.  The Law of Attraction states that we attract what we are – meaning that if we are positive people, we attract positive things.  Similarly, if we are negative people, we attract negative things.

Basically, it’s a very hippy-dippy way of saying you get what you give to the Universe (or God, depending on what you believe in).

For anyone who has ever heard of “The Secret”, you’ll understand what I mean here.  Essentially, manifesting and the Law of Attraction are all about willing things into existence in your life by simply thinking positive thoughts about them and eliminating negative thoughts.

Now, all of that said, I am a believer in the Law of Attraction and manifesting… to some extent.

I don’t believe that God or the Universe delivers everything that you need or want to your door step, simply because you asked for it (like ordering from a giant cosmic takeout menu).  I don’t believe that starving children around the world will suddenly make food appear or a person with a terminal illness will suddenly be cured, simply because they asked it to be.  Sometimes favor is granted in situations like that, but that is exactly what it is:  divine favor, not something they did for themselves.  Realistically speaking though, most of those children will continue to starve and that person with a terminal illness will complete this phase of their journey most of the time.

I do, however, believe that manifesting works on a smaller scale.  For example, Gabourey Sidibe speaks very openly and candidly about having an unconventional look in Hollywood.  She has spoken often about how people in the industry and throughout her life have told her that she could never be a famous actress because she “didn’t have the right look” or wasn’t “image-conscious enough”.  To that Sidibe simply states that she wanted to be beautiful growing up, and so she went about life as if she were a beautiful woman.  Now, the entire world recognizes her talent, grace, and her beauty, and her “unconventional look” has far more defenders than detractors at this point.  She decided she was beautiful and she is, she decided she would be an actress and she is, she decided she would be famous and she is.

Henry Ford said it best:  “Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right.”  Manifestation and the Law of Attraction are not some magic way to get everything you want from the Universe by simply saying that you want it.  Instead, it is a mindset that allows you to create positive energy within yourself and overcome whatever negativity you can dream up.  Being positive motivates you to get out of your own way and start living your life according to your purpose.  You already have the tools inside of you; all that is required of you now is that you put those tools to good use working toward your dreams and goals.  Understand that changing your mindset doesn’t happen overnight.  As with any bad habit, it takes time and focus to overcome negative thinking.  Still, with determination and commitment, you will be able to see the positive effects of positive thinking quickly.  Focusing your energy on to a few clear goals allows for better space in your mind to reach those goals.  When you believe that you have the ability to do something, you’ll be amazed by all the opportunities that are placed before you to do so.

If you want to learn more about manifestation, check our MarieTV’s video below.  Then, take a few minutes each day to focus on changing a negative thought that you have into a positive one.  You’ll be able to notice the difference very quickly, and I’m sure you’ll have positive results to share with me soon!

Have you ever used the Law of Attraction and manifesting to make something happen in your life?  We want to hear from you!  Leave me a comment below about whether or not manifesting has worked for you and how you feel about it!

Thanks for reading – make it a great day everyone!

~ Kioshana

Orange is the New Black, Rachel Dolezal, and Cultural Appropriation

Like anyone who has been on the internet over the last three days, my social media accounts have been inundated with news about two things:  the release the third season of Neflix’s phenomenal hit “Orange is the New Black”, and the complete trainwreck that is Rachel Dolezal and her audacious attempt at assimilating into Black womanhood.   Both stories, while seemingly unconnected, actually have quite a bit in common.

OITNB

Over the last few days, I’ve watched with great disdain and some amusement the downfall of Rachel Dolezal.  Dolezal, the president of the Spokane, Washington chapter of the NAACP and professor of African American studies, has successfully fooled an entire community of people into believing that she is a Black woman.  According to her family (the very people who outed her as White), Dolezal began identifying as a Black woman more than 10 years ago, while on scholarship to Howard University.  She has since distanced herself from her (White) family and created an entire life in Washington which includes several positions advocating for the advancement of People of Color.  She’s a professor of African American and Black Women’s studies, and is the chair of the independent citizen police ombudsman commission in Spokane.  It appears that she has done a lot of great work for this community in her time here.

What, then, is the big deal with what she’s done?

To answer that question, I’d like to segue to the other news item I’ve made mention of here – Orange is the New Black.  When OITNB premiered three years ago, it received rave reviews from the public and critics alike, and creator Jenji Kohan was deemed to have another bonafide hit on her hands.  The show, while originally centering on the story of Piper Chapman – a WASPy blonde imprisoned for transporting drugs several years prior – quickly gained renown for being one of the few shows on television that gave voice to the millions of Women of Color in American prisons.  Although not always the most favorable, the representation given to the groups of women who comprise the bulk of America’s prison population was an eye-opening thing being broadcast on a major entertainment provider.

The show does a good job of examining the intersections of race and culture within the multicultural environment of the Litchfield prison, and this season is no different.  One of the most striking examples that stuck out to me during my requisite binge-watching session this weekend was a small story arc that taught a lesson on cultural appropriation.

In episode two of this new season, the prison was overcome by bedbugs.  The Latina women in charge of the kitchen began working double duty by providing home remedies for itching and making tinctures and spells to ward off the creepy crawlies.  Norma, the lone White woman still allowed to work in the kitchen at this point, joined in on the remedy making and eventually Columbused the practice.  She took the lessons she’d learned from the Latina women and made them her own, providing services to inmates around the prison from her cell space, eventually earning the name “Magic Norma”.

Two episodes later, Gloria Mendoza (the  head cook), came to correct Norma on her cultural faux pas, giving her a quick lesson on dealing with the orishas and the spiritual aspect of what they were doing, and letting her know in no uncertain terms that “this ain’t your history – this ain’t your culture”.

Gloria and Norma

Herein lies the issue with Rachel Dolezal.  The fact that she is a White woman serving in a major position at the NAACP isn’t the issue.  Her allyship – had she done it in an appropriate manner, would actually have been greatly appreciated.  The problem with Rachel Dolezal is that she pretended to not only be a Black woman, she also co-opted the lived experiences of Black women everywhere, making them her own.  She could have easily made a difference within the Black community without misrepresenting herself.

Instead, she chose to lie about who she is as a person.  She chose to imitate the pain and trauma that accompany existing in a society that is inherently anti-Black.  She took our experiences and tried them on for a while – as if they were a prom dress or some other silly costume.  She took it upon herself to represent herself as a Black woman, speaking on our pain and our love as if she were one of us.  In doing so, she not only made a complete mockery of herself and of the NAACP, one of the nation’s oldest Black advocacy organizations, but she also made us question ourselves and each other.  What we’ve learned from Rachel Dolezal is that we aren’t even safe in our Blackness – we can’t even have peace in our own skin without worrying that White privilege – the thing that has taken everything else from us – will take that too.

Cultural appropriation denotes the fine line between appreciating and disrespecting the cultures of others around you.  There are, of course, many ways to appreciate and pay homage to the cultures of others whom you respect and admire without making a mockery of them by claiming them for yourself without bothering to understand the nuances of what you seek to emulate.  Rachel didn’t do that, though.  She showed blatant disrespect for Black people, especially Black women,  by choosing to lie about who she was and in the process, has successfully cast a shadow on all of the great work she alleges to have accomplished for our community.

Rachel could actually learn quite a bit from watching a couple of episodes of OITNB – while it’s okay to appreciate the culture of other people, it is not okay to steal their experiences with reckless abandon, just because you can.

In the words of Gloria Mendoza, “this ain’t your history, this ain’t your culture”.

~ Kioshana

My Journey Toward a Minimalist Lifestyle

Eight months ago, I was the girl with all the stuff.  I had well over 100 pairs of shoes, two closets full of clothes, and an entire bedroom in my house dedicated to “storing” all of my excess things.  I was one of those women who shopped weekly, gleefully purchasing bargains at whichever store I wandered into that day, only to take them home and leave them in a bag for weeks at a time.

Then one day, I began to realize that it was getting a little claustrophobic in my place.  It started with wanting to go somewhere for the weekend, but realizing that my discretionary funds were running a little low because I’d purchased a few “gifts” for myself over the last few weeks.  Then, I realized I was tired of all the clutter in my home, but couldn’t make room for anything because there was just too much stuff.  I was overwhelmed by the sheer amount of THINGS that I owned… but I had no idea what to do about it.

Cluttered!

Somewhere along the way I discovered the concept of minimalism.  Minimalism is defined as “the intentional promotion of things that we value and the removal of everything that distracts us from it”… in other words, learning how to value those things in your life that are important by making conscious decisions to eliminate the excess.

I initially became interested in minimalism after reading one of my favorite blogger (Rosetta Thurman of HappyBlackWoman.com)’s journey to a location-independent lifestyle through minimalism.  I was fascinated by the freedom that Rosetta enjoys in her life, and decided that I wanted that same freedom in my own.  There were several things that Rosetta did over the course of 2-3 years to create the lifestyle she wanted, but one of the major things she did was divest herself of most of her material belongings.  Rosetta now states that everything she owns in the world fits into two carry-on size suitcases, and yet she is one of the happiest people I’ve ever seen.

The secret, I’ve since discovered, is releasing your attachment to material things.  Rosetta is an extreme example of what minimalism looks like – she gave up her car, most of her personal belongings, and now lives in a room that she rents from someone else.  While most of us (myself included) may not be able to take such a major step in our lives just yet, here are a few things I’ve learned over the last few months of incorporating the principles of minimalism into my own life.

  1. – You really can do more with less

One of the hardest things for me to do has been to pare down my belongings.  This is because I tend to only buy things I really like, and so the idea of getting rid of them is pretty difficult for me.  In going through my shoes, for example, I found myself “discovering” pairs I’d forgotten I had because it’d been so long since I’d worn them.  Some of them had never been worn!  It just felt wrong somehow to give away something I’d never even had the opportunity to enjoy myself.

But the thing is, that was exactly the point.  I had to really be honest with myself, and realize that I was never going to wear those shoes.  No one with 100 pairs of shoes can actually wear all of them (unless, of course, you’re Kim Kardashian).  I found that I was really only wearing the same one or two pairs every day because I couldn’t be bothered with the hassle of digging through my closet for something different.

So, I brutally slashed my shoe collection from over 100 pairs to less than 20 pairs, and honestly, I feel much better about it.  As an added bonus, I can now see all the shoes in the bottom of my closet, so I’m more likely to wear the ones I decided to keep – meaning that, even though I technically own fewer pairs of shoes now, I’m actually getting more use out of them now than I was before, because I can actually use/wear them.

2. – It is easier to incorporate minimalism when you’re making other lifestyle changes as well

One of the things that has made my journey toward a minimalist lifestyle easier has been that I view it as a necessity in order to get to my next goals in life.  Instead of taking on minimalism on its own, I partnered it with another lifestyle change:  moving across the country.

Last October, my world was turned upside down by a layoff.  I’d already been planning to sell my home, but being laid off from my job definitely expedited that process.  In planning to relocate, I also managed to do some serious decluttering.  Once I made the decision to sell the house, I needed to start thinking of where I would (ideally) live next.  I decided that, based on my current status in life, a small (one bedroom or studio) apartment was the best fit for me.  My home had been great for the years that I owned it, however I found myself utilizing the space less and less, and the required upkeep of yard work, repairs, and other things a homeowner has to contend with just aren’t something I’m interested in anymore.

Deciding to leave my 3 bedroom/2 bathroom house for a little apartment somewhere meant leaving behind all of the things I used to fill up my 3 bedrooms!  I am a person who has always taken pride in the way that my home looks, and relished in the idea of curating the perfect blend of rustic/eclectic décor in my space.  Therefore, it was difficult to pare down my things to just enough to fit into one bedroom – however, I’ve found that I’m happier and free-er now that I do not have to contend with all of that stuff!

3. – Finding a cause to donate items to makes the process easier

Arguably the hardest area I’ve attempted to downsize during this process has been my book collection.  I am a voracious reader, reading anywhere from 5 – 7 books each week.  I’m sure you can imagine then, that my book stash is more than a little ridiculous.  Also, the very idea of throwing away books makes me ill.  So, what’s a girl to do?

I went through my collection and culled nearly 100 books.  Then I set about finding a place to donate them.  The college that I worked for takes book donations, so I decided that was the best place to donate all of them at once (because there were several different types of books and I wanted to make sure they were donated to the most appropriate place without having to go through the hassle of splitting them up to give to several places).

This made me feel better about getting rid of the books I’d treasured for so long, because I knew they were going to be put to good use in the school library, as opposed to sitting in a dark box somewhere inside a local thrift store (which may or may not be how I came about half of them in the first place).

So far, I have to admit that, even though my journey toward a minimalist lifestyle is definitely a work in progress, I am enjoying the changes I’ve seen so far.  Without all of the “stuff” around me, I feel more relaxed and clear-headed, as though I can focus on the things that are really important to me now.  Also, because I’m no longer throwing so much money away on material things I neither need nor use, I am much less stressed about how to pay for things, and I have much more freedom to make larger moves in my life.  I have several large projects coming up in the next few months that will require my time, energy, and focus, and I am happy to report that, as a direct result of my efforts in minimalism, I have significantly more of each area to devote to myself and my future.

Below is a great video from Sadiya Marie for anyone interested in getting started on the path to minimalism.  She shares five quick tips for refocusing your energy and figuring out the best way to incorporate this powerful practice into your life.

Have you ever thought about/tried minimalism?  What were your results?  Let me know in the comments, and as always – make it a great one!

  • Kioshana

#BlackGirlsLove Representation – Reviewing “Girlhood”

Girlhood-poster-2

This week, I took the opportunity to watch Celine Sciamma’s critically acclaimed coming of age film “Girlhood”.  The film was released in Sciamma’s native France last year and again in America on a limited basis earlier this year.  It is currently available on Netflix under the “New Releases” for anyone else interested in checking out this film.

I was a bit skeptical about how the film would portray a relatable version of “girlhood” for young Black women in America, because it is a French film that is based in Paris.  However, although the language and culture are somewhat different, it only takes a few moments of watching to realize that this film showcases experiences that are very much similar to those we see every day here in America as well.

The film centers around a 16 year old young woman who lives in the projects in a Paris suburb.  She attends high school in the beginning of the film, but soon drops out due to frustrations with her school and familial issues at home.  Her father is absent and her mother works multiple shifts outside of the home.  She has an older brother and two younger sisters, and she bears the weight of responsibility in her family.

She meets a group of girls who take her in, and once she joins their clique, we see her blossom into a more confident and assertive young woman.  She goes through growing pains – some of which are painful to watch – but it is fascinating to see how our main character loses and then finds herself again throughout the course of the film.  The film tackles tough topics like teen pregnancy, teenage violence, bad decision making, and more in a way that is authentic, but does not represent young Black women in a negative light.  My favorite scene from the film (shown below) includes our main character and her three friends dancing and singing to Rihanna’s “Diamonds”.  Their carefree attitude coupled with the empowering words of the song truly capture the essence of what this film is about.

I was even more inspired when I read some background on the film and discovered that the casting crew took months, scouting actual girls from the streets of France in order to fill the roles.  The director stated that she specifically sought Black women to cast in the film because she was appalled at the lack of mainstream Black celebrities in France.  It is her hope that this film will open the doors to opportunities for other Black women as well.

Have you watched “Girlhood”?  What did you think?  Leave a comment below with your feedback!

-Kioshana

10 Quotes to Inspire You to Be Your Best Self Today!

be inspired

Happy Wednesday everyone!  In order to make it through the rest of the week, I’ve compiled a quick list of my favorite quotes. Surrounding yourself with positive words and affirmations is a crucial part of maintaining a self-care regimen, and we can all benefit from some words of encouragement every now and then.

Feel free to add to this list by leaving a comment below, and be sure to subscribe for more awesome content! Tell us your favorite quote that keeps you going by sharing it with us your social media account. Be sure to use the hashtag #TheSpeakLoveProject

Make it a great day!

“Life is very short and what we have to do must be done in the now” – Audre Lorde

“There’s always something to suggest that you’ll never be who you wanted to be.  Your choice is to take it or keep on moving.” – Phylicia Rashad

“The most feared woman in the world is the woman who not only loves herself unapologetically, but also self-validates her own existence.” – Mohadesa Najumi

“Happiness is not the goal of life; happiness is a by-product of living your purpose.” – Eleanore Roosevelt

“The tragedy of life doesn’t lie in not reaching your goal.  The tragedy lies in having no goal to reach.” – Benjamin Mays

“Everyone evolves at his/her own rate.  It ain’t a race – stay in your lane.” – Erykah Badu

“People overestimate what they can do in a single day and underestimate what they can do in their entire lives.” – Unknown

“Falling in love with yourself first doesn’t make you vain or selfish; it makes you indestructible.” – Unknown

“Successful and unsuccessful people do not vary greatly in their abilities.  They vary in their desires to reach their potential.” – John Maxwell

“Go where you are celebrated, not tolerated.  If they can’t see the real value of you, it’s time for a new start.” – Unknown

-Kioshana

Five Things to Give Up in Order to Live Your Best Life

livingthelife

 

Every day, I meet women who express a desire for greatness in their lives, and frustration that they are not living the life they want.  Although positive thinking won’t solve every issue that you may have in your life, a number of ills can be fixed by simply changing what things you prioritize.  Listed below are five powerful ways to take back your agency by giving up actions and ideas that block your blessings in life.

 

 1. – Seeking validation from others for your decisions

 

As women, we tend to be “people pleasers”.  We want to make other people happy, and on some level, we often want their approval as well.  Personally, I struggle with this particular issue often, especially when it comes to my parents.  I want their approval – I want them to be proud of me.  But I’ve learned something over the years, that we all have to learn at some point in our lives:

What other people think of you is none of your business.

What they think about your decisions, how they feel about your life… none of it matters in the grand scheme of things.  It is only relevant in that you have the power to make the decisions for yourself.  When you constantly agonize over the opinions of others, you sacrifice your own power and autonomy to someone who doesn’t have to live with the outcome of the decisions you make.

Do you, Sis.  Life is too short to be anything but happy.

2. – Doing things that make you feel like crap

 

This can be any number of things.  It can be eating unhealthy foods or leading a sedentary lifestyle.  It can be devoting more time to your job than you do to yourself or your family.  It can also be continuing to answer the phone for a friend or lover who makes you feel inferior.

Whatever it is – stop doing it!  

You deserve a good life, Sis, but you can’t get there if you continue to invite negative energy into your space.  Tell yourself that you deserve better, and then hold yourself accountable for doing better.

 

3. – Placing too much value on material things

 

One of the worst things about American culture is our focus on materialism. We inundate our lives with “stuff” and then it takes a major toll on our self-confidence.  We work jobs we hate so that we can hold onto all of this “stuff”, and we feel the need to compete with others over who has the most or the best “stuff”.  What we are really doing when we choose this path is giving the material objects the power to determine our self-worth because we are defined by these things.

Let it go, Sis.  You are worth so much more than a new weave or Michael Kors bag, or even a new car or house.  None of that will make you happy if you don’t have a personal sense of peace and fulfillment, and you can’t buy those things.

4. – Holding on to idealized memories of the past

 

There’s a saying that I like – it states “The reason people find it so hard be happy is that they remember the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be.”  And it’s the truth.  We often tend to romanticize feelings from the past and remember yesterday as better than it actually was.  It’s the reason that we go back to exes, even though we had perfectly valid reasons for breaking up with them in the first place.  It’s the reason we decide to move back to places we once lived, even though at one point we couldn’t wait to get out of there.  Similarly, we tend to get caught up in the things that don’t make us happy about our present situation and it distracts us from the wonderful things we have going on in our lives.

One of the best things that we can do for ourselves is to learn to live in the moment.  Yesterday, no matter how good or bad it seems, is gone, and there is no point in wasting time worrying about a tomorrow that isn’t promised to us anyway.  Let go of whatever is holding you back, Sis, and focus on what is real in the here and now.  Love your life today and try not to get so attached to things gone by.

5. –  Settling for “good enough”

 

So many of us navigate through each day settling for mediocrity.  We have decent jobs, decent relationships, decent lives… but none of that ever leads to the freedom and gratification associated with being truly happy.

Sis, you deserve the best.  You deserve to have everything that you’ve ever wanted out of life.  But you will not get there if you settle for just “good enough”.  Good is the enemy of greatness – and in order to achieve the greatness that you desire, you must first let go of the safety associated with being “good enough” at life.

Be brave enough to go for what you want.  You future self will thank you for it.

In love and solidarity – 

Kioshana