This is a post originally written last June that I felt was especially relevant today ~ just a refresher, in case anyone else needed the reminder! ❤
Earlier today, while casually scrolling through my timeline, I came across the above image and was completely blown away by the power in this message.
I don’t know about you all, but I personally am terrible about this.
There are people in my life who irritate me to no end and who add no value with their presence whatsoever. Daily, I lament about how much I wish that they would just get the hint and go away – sometimes to the point that I become passive-aggressive in responding to their texts, posts, and calls. I cringe when I see a message from them pop up on my cell phone, or roll my eyes when I see selfies and posts show in my social media accounts. Even when I’m engaging them in conversation, I sometimes find myself becoming increasingly frustrated that they are seemingly so oblivious to my lack of interest in the topics of discussion.
It is maddening!
Yet I feel guilty about the thought of just letting them go because they haven’t actually DONE anything to hurt or bother me… and it seems wrong to cut someone out of life simply because I’m ambivalent about their presence. As ridiculous as it sounds, it feels mean to tell them how I really feel – and I don’t want to be looked at as a mean person… even by people who I don’t really care about or want around me.
I’m sure that part of this is societal conditioning, and part of this is just my personality. Growing up, I was the kid who worried about the most menial of things, because I didn’t want anyone to think I was being unfair or uncaring. I can remember working myself into anxiety over the smallest of things – like whether to check White or Black on standardized test forms (thank God they’ve finally created a “multi-racial” box) because I didn’t want anyone to think I was showing a preference for one parent over the other.
Although I no longer stress about things as tiny as the abovementioned scenario, I still have a hard time with doing things that will portray me as a mean person – especially if the person hasn’t done anything negative to me. I’m learning, though, that this is not a healthy practice to partake in, because it wears on me and drains me. Letting go of people doesn’t necessarily make me a bad person, and I can do so without having to be mean about it. However, it is important for me to do this, because keeping them in my life in an effort to preserve their feelings does hurt someone: ME.
And if I’m being honest with myself, I’m probably not nearly as important to them as it feels sometimes. I’m pretty sure they’ll continue to exist and survive with or without me.
I remind myself daily, and today I’m reminding you as well – we have complete control over who we allow into our space. Just because someone isn’t causing harm doesn’t necessarily mean they deserve a place in your life – especially if they aren’t inspiring good as well.
You don’t have to feel guilty about not offering space to everyone who seeks shelter in you… your time and energy are extremely valuable and you do not owe them to anyone you feel is unworthy of or unable to reciprocate it. Acts of self-love come in all shapes and forms – adding value to your quality of life sometimes means removing things (and people) that take away from your happiness.
Do you have anyone in your life who fits this description? How do you deal with them? Is there anything you will change about the relationship going forward?
Let us know in the comments below, and don’t forget to like and share!
Make it a great day – I love you.